For the longest I felt it was difficult to manifest things into my life. I would have glimpses of the things I wanted and was even able to manifest some larger dreams into my reality like a 1-year artist grant and an exhibition space (against all odds), but nothing was truly sticking with me.

And of course, like we do – I thought it was something to do with me.

That I wasn’t good enough to elevate my life or to earn more. Because it does truly come back to us – if others can have it and I can’t – it must be because of me right?

Yes and also .. no.

All the material you see out there is to do with the active steps of manifestation – visualizing, journaling, affirmations and EFT – which are all amazing tools and I use them daily. But what was left out of this discussion and all the videos you see on all platforms is one major thing – nervous system regulation.

You can get into the feeling of ✨ already having it ✨ – but if your subconscious is not on board with it, it won’t manifest in a way that would be permanent. I never understood it, and it seemed strange. But think about it; if you’re visualizing 10-20 minutes a day, spending that time with your manifestations and the dream life you’re envisioning for yourself, but then the rest of the day you go through events and entertain thoughts that go against that – which one will persist?

And lemme tell you (somethin’) – I was doing it all, multiple times a day; visualizing in the morning, right when I woke up, then doing the SATS method right before bed. I was journaling and doing EFT tapping. I did the letter method and I did quantum jumping multiple times a week. And most of the time I felt like I was living in that reality that I was truly building for my self – in my imagination.

But every time an event would enter my life – which was going against all that – and trust me, there were many, since I still had that underlying belief of not being capable or worthy to have this life that I envisioned – my body, my nervous system would remind me and bring these sensations to the surface and confirm that yes, you are correct. You are not worthy because your subconscious doesn’t believe it is safe and no amount of visualizing will fix that.

So I was going in circles; visualizing as much as I could, trying to embody that feeling, still being afraid of all the changes that would take place once I would manifest those things. Because I didn’t realize that me having all that – the life I wanted – would inevitably change parts of me. Which translates into me wanting the change, but being too afraid of actually making it.

And everytime I would take a small step toward that life and those changes, my body would remind me that it was not safe. It’s not safe because I would have to either do more, take more responsibility, show up everyday, be more confident – all of the things I was not yet embodying or being and still had alot of resistance towards.

By the way, resistance is only your own belief of thinking that something you’re reaching out to is either difficult or unattainable for you, and then these underlying beliefs will direct your focus (your energy) to sabotage this growth in some way. Because it sees it as unsafe, and because it’s embedded in your subconscious – the part of you which is in charge of everything you do – it will stop you through one way or another.

So before you’re able to calm this nervous system and teach your subconscious mind that it is actually safe and you can hold a steady energy around your manifestation – you will just end up floating right back to where you started. You will see signs of your manifestation, but the signs will be conflicting – you won’t be able to keep it and there will always be fear around manifesting things, because your underlying belief will tell you that it can’t be permanent.

And trust me on this one, because I was there. I was there for too long.

Once this epiphany hit me in the head, I started saturating my mind with manifestation methods, to still create an environment where I was living in the end and detaching myself more and more. But I also started to become more aware of situations that felt unsafe, where my body would have a physical reaction.

One of these situations would typically always occur at the register, whenever I was investing in myself. I would feel this awful feeling of spending too much, not having enough and thinking how I would have to work to get the money back.

This came to a point where even when I did have the money to invest in myself, I’d be feeling unsafe of the future and how I either needed to spend it all to make sure I was able to use the money wisely, or hold on to it thinking it would otherwise just be wasted on unnecessary things. Again, thinking I was not worthy of having things or experiences just for the enjoyment.

Because your relationship with money can be compared to one you have with people; if you’re holding on too tight, they won’t feel comfortable. If you’re being absent and not being open and loving, they will feel abandoned. If you’re always stressed around them, your relationship will become uneasy.

This is something I learned after working with multiple mindset and energetics coaches who made this explanation very simple and clear.

And of course observing any themes in your life will eventually lead you to also critically observe your self-concept. Because your nervous system only welcomes what aligns with who you truly believe you are, deep down.

In my next article, I’ll share my favorite nervous system regulation techniques to help you start aligning with the vision you hold for yourself.